How to Screw Up Your Child in 10 Easy Steps

This is the beginning of a new series that I hope I will complete.  You know I'm terrible at blogging, but this idea struck me at school one afternoon, and I think it could be very helpful in parenting- for me and others.  Enjoy!

How to Screw Up Your Child in 10 Easy Steps

Step One:  Give your child everything he asks for.

When attempting a thorough screwing up of your child or children, do not be discouraged.  Here in America, we are predisposed to creating monsters with ease.  For most of you, reading this is not even necessary, as your children are already happily therapy bound.  But, in the event that you want to safeguard your child's complete demise, make every effort to give your child everything he asks for.


Children only ask for things that they simply must have.  There is no use denying or fighting it.  And the sad truth is, should you choose to say no, you run the risk of having to have an actual conversation with your child, and we all know we don't want that.  


There's an old adage that states "Children should be seen and not heard."  In 2012, a rough translation of that ancient passage would state "Children should be involved in other things and leave their parents alone."  While many parents would argue that children belong in a separate room with separate things, I agree.  When you provide your offspring with televisions, game consoles, countless toys, and endless snacks at their disposal, they will leave you alone to pursue your own wants and dreams, such as watching Wipe Out uninterrupted or eating an entire apple pie without an audience begging and whining for a piece.  


In fact, go beyond giving your child everything he asks for.  Give him things he doesn't even know he wants.  If he asks for a Playstation, give a Wii to go along with it.  If he wants a cookie, pair it with a doughnut.  If you front-load the desires of your child, later you won't have to interact at all!  Everything will already be there waiting on him to become bored and discover it.


Now don't worry.  Your child will not be lonely without you.  How could he be?  He'll be far too busy enjoying all the crap wonderful things you have provided for him!  

Pin Myself Into Pinterest...

Oh- I have a new obsession!  And it's SOOOOOOO unhealthy;  I'm sure of it!  Pinterest- Darn you!

I get on the site and there are so many really cool, actual quality ideas that I want to imitate.  I've done a few...  Here's one I just completed.  Of course, I realized after the picture was taken that Elijah's is crooked.  It's fixed now- No worries.

I think I'm in the middle of a Domestic Goddess spurt.  Do you ever have these?  For some reason, all of the sudden, I am driven to organize, clean, create, straighten, and domesticate the entire house.  Nick actually went so far as to ask me yesterday if I was pregnant!  NO!  Can't I nest in a nongestational state?!?!?!

Not that anyone ever comments, but if you change your mind, have you made anything cool lately?

Shaken' It Up- Organization Style!

When I was a child, my family used to move a lot.  Not "every five years" a lot.  More like "I lived in six houses in two years" a lot.  I'm 32.  Nick and I have lived in our current home for two years.  This is my 33rd house.  No joke.

So, needless to say, about every six months, I feel this overwhelming urge to move things around, clean, reorganize, and the like.  I have a few projects on my mental white board, and as I am working my way down the list, I have some really cool ideas.

First, I tackled my pantry.  Because we use that space multiple times a day, it easily gets out of sorts.  Lots of food groups- snacks being the most important to my oldest kiddos.  They want to be able to see what's available and reach what they want.  And I want that, too.  It seems they are always hungry the moment I am otherwise disposed in the bathroom...

Here's how it turned out:

I guess I was feeling froggy, because I then tackled my closet.  My closet is a nightmare!  Old clothes that I can't seem to part with (hoarding...), towels, and pillows, and blankets, oh my!  A new shelf, some new bins, a trash bag full of clothing to donate- and viola!

With the clothes from my dresser now stored in bins, we are ditching my dresser because it takes up so much space in our bedroom.  

Next stop- the shoes under my bed!  Scary!!!!

Holidays at the Wilson Manor

This year, as Christmas approaches, I am taking great delight in reading Holiday Letters from families we know. Some are online in blogs similar to this one.  Some come in Christmas cards.  Some are of people I don't even know but were shared by friends who cannot keep the fun to themselves.  Those are some of my favorite.  So here are two sample family letters from my family- The Wilsons.  Enjoy!


Dear friends and family,
This year has been such a wonderful year for us!  We added a new family member, another graduate degree, and met individual goals that we are so proud of.
This year, Nick, ran the Music City Half Marathon with a gusto unmatched by other racers.  He crossed the finish line triumphant in his goal!  He was met at the end by his pregnant, yet still trophy, wife who adoringly kissed his sweaty face as he spun her in the crowd.  Look for a similar scene in an upcoming movie.  They totally stole it from us.
This year, Allie turned six, and she is kicking butt in the first grade.  She's reading at a higher level than everyone else in her grade.  She's already doing long division.  And her latest project is an attempt to split an atom using only a LalaLoopsy doll and a toothbrush.  She's totally going to do it, too.  Only a matter of time.
This year, Elijah turned four, and he is already operating at a higher intelligence level.  I mean, WAY advanced.  He has applied to the doctoral program at Harvard for his paleontologist degree, and he will complete his masters this spring.
Our new addition, Maya Noelle, arrived in June, and she is amazing.  She slept through the night at one week and never looked back.  At only six months old, she is able to change her own diapers and self-feed.  At night, IF she wakes, she mixes her own bottle and then puts herself back to sleep.  If only my other two were as awesome as her...
This year I completed yet another graduate degree putting me ahead of Nick by ONE!  Eat it, Wilson!  AND I gave birth as I presented my thesis.  Still nailed it!  I am now working with underprivileged kids who have special needs in the inner ghettos of our great city.  While learning to shoot a pistol for protection was a bit unnerving, I have yet to be attacked where I didn't defeat the bandit with only one bullet and a high heel.

Well, that's it for us!  May trite sayings and empty wisdom brighten your dull and sad lives this holiday season.

Love,
The Wilsons



Okay, okay, totally false.  I know, you saw right through that.  Just as we see through the other ridiculous letters each season.  But hey, it was fun!  And there were bits of truth in there.  You know- the whole trophy wife thing?  ;)

Having said that, here's an actual year's update for the Wilsons-




2011 was a wonderful year for our family.  We added Maya Noelle to our family roster, and we love her.  She is, by far, the best thing that happened to us as a family this year!

As individuals, we did have some pretty cool things going on.  Here's a brief recap:

Nick did actually finish the Music City Half last April.  We were really proud of him.  At the end of his training, he has a knee injury, but he still finished the race, which I think is amazing.  Thank God for ice packs, though!  It was an interesting recovery after he was finished.
Nick has also been working on his Ed.S. at MTSU this year.  He's a really good student, and he's done really well so far.  He will finish in April of 2012.
One of my favorite things that Nick did this year was paint our house.  Maya's room is pink, Allie and Elijah's room is orange, our room is a golden/tan color that matches perfectly with our furnishings, and the rest of the downstairs is our favorite peachy color.  As we have customized our house to our liking, it's become a home to our family.  We love it here.

I did actually complete my MA in Special Ed, and while I wasn't pregnant when I presented my thesis, I was only about 3 weeks past delivery.  I was so happy to be finished with that program.  There were parts that I really enjoyed, but it was too much for me, being pregnant, working, and all.
I started couponing this year, and with my savings and budget cuts added together, I saved over $12,000 this year.  That's pretty cool!

Allie really is in first grade, and she is doing great.  While she is learning and doing wonderful in her studies, the thing I am most proud of is her heart.  She is a kind and warm person in her classroom, and I often hear from her teacher that she a bright spot in the room.  LOVE her heart!  She is a gentle and attentive big sister to Maya.  They are a match made in heaven.
Allie is a Daisy scout, and she is working on earning badges and selling cookies (as of Dec 24!).  She really likes scouting, but her leader is a bit weird.  (It's me...)

Elijah is our four year old wonder boy.  Truly.  He is so smart.  He's the kind of kid that would actually be true in the family newsletter.  I had to really exaggerate on his section...
He LOVES dinosaurs and has self-taught himself the types of dinos, what they eat, whether they are omnivores, etc..., what region they were discovered, what period they lived in...  I can't wait to see what he capable of once he begins formally learning.
He has a kind, but mischievous, spirit that I love.  Yes, I did find him pooping at our mailbox... not our finest hour.  But he also gives loving kisses and loves including people in his little world.  Such a funny little fella!  So far, he is our wild card child!

Maya was born on June 23, and she is a happy, loving baby.  She smiles constantly and enjoys playing with her sister.  I can't wait to see how she grows and what her personality is like as she ages.  Already, she is a joy.  And she looks JUST like Allie as a baby, so we know that she will be beautiful.

That's us.  We're normal, but still individual.  No better than any other family, but I think we're special.  There is a lot of love and laughter in our house, and there's no where else I'd rather be.  Our little family is wonderful.  Warts and all.


Happy Holidays,
Leah

Thinking on New Year's Goals

On January 1, 2011, I made a goal to learn to coupon.  I was pregnant and already overweight, and setting yet another weight loss goal seemed pointless at the moment.  I made it almost the entire year couponing, and while I have slowed in my pursuit of massive savings, I am renewing the goal for 2012.  Hopefully the coupons and sales will align again as they did at the beginning of this current year.  Right now?  They are not aligning well at all.  It's rather defeating, actually.

Thinking of New Year's goals got me thinking of my long lost goals from years ago...

Back in the dark ages of 1998, I set a goal to give up red meat.  I kept that goal going until the summer of 2001 when, as a youth ministry intern, I realized that not eating the food the ladies of the church made for us was rude- red meat and all.  After months of diarrhea and overall yuckiness, my body adjusted to where I could eat red meat without wishing for death.

During the third year with no red meat, my body shifted.  Literally.  I dropped 45 pounds without trying.  In fact, I couldn't figure out where the weight was falling from!  I would bake an entire package of Toll House break and bake cookies, eat them ALL, and still drop five pounds for the week.  It was insane.  And glorious.  I'm not going to lie.

For 2012, I plan to cease on red meat for the second time in my life.  Not because of the 45 pound drop, although that would be awesome.  But because of the way I felt during those years.  I had energy.  I exercised and liked it.  I felt good.  I think I looked pretty good, too!  I want that back.

Now, I know you're thinking that I was 19 when I gave up the red meat, so of course I had energy.  Of course I looked and felt good.  Even at 32, I think it's a healthy and honorable goal.  I want to feel an increase in energy.  I want like how I feel at 9 pm, instead of drooling on myself like a 77 year old woman.

This goal is one my husband supports, too.  In fact, as we discussed the goal tonight over dinner, he stated that he thinks it would be healthier for all of to cut the red meat back.  I love my husband.

So I ask, what goals do you have for the new year?  What would you like to accomplish to make yourself a better and well-rounded person?

Working on Being a Working Mom

My baby Maya is sick.  She had a virus, possibly RSV, and the virus left Bronchiolitis marinating in her tiny lungs.  We've been giving her breathing treatments, and she hasn't been eating well.  It has really worried me.
And I have felt guilty.
See, tomorrow, whether Maya is well or not, I will go to work.  Because I am a working mom.  I'm not very good at it, either.  Every year I use all of my sick days- plus a few.  I cannot stand to leave my sick children at childcare.  My inner voice screams that it's not the way it was meant to be!
Tomorrow, my mom is going to keep Maya with her.  At mom's, Maya can have breathing treatments every four hours as needed.  At her childcare center, I will have to get a note faxed over so that her caregiver can administer the treatments.
Please don't get me wrong.  I love the ladies who care for Maya each day.  They are so good to her.  They read to her and play with her, and there are other babies in the classroom for Maya to interact with.  It's an excellent childcare center.
But I still feel guilty.  I am who I am.
I won't break down the benefits of my working and bringing in income as though they are more valuable than my children.  They're not.  Although, food and electricity are pretty darn nice.  ;)
The truth is, I want my life to matter to more than just my children.  I want to make a difference outside of my home.  The children I work with drive me to be a better teacher and strategist.  Besides, not all of my students have a loving and kind mother to care for them once they get home.  For quite a few of my students, I am their loving and kind mother.  For six hours a day.  What they go home to is not nearly as promising.
So while I feel guilty about leaving my sweet baby with a woman who is not me but still loves her so much, I have a chance to make a distinct and measurable difference in the lives of sixteen other children.  Plus the few I smile at in the hallways...
One day, it may be easier.  But for now, I'm working on being a working mom.

When Life Hands You Bronchitis, Blog.

I'm sick. Honestly, that's the only reason I thought to post a new blog today. I'm terrible at blogging, but I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that at least 5-7 times in the last year.

So, anyway, I think I have bronchitis, although I've been running a fever, so a bit of me is scared that I may have something more funky, like pneumonia. I can't believe I spelled that correctly on the first try! No red squiggly line. ;)

2011 has been a big year for me. At the New Year, I decided that I wanted to learn to coupon, and this is the first year EVER that I have kept to my resolution. To date, I have saved over $11,000 for my family. I still struggle to provide a good variety for my family, but when you buy ten of one item, that makes sense. As I have built my stockpile, I have come to realize that variety is hard.

That's true in life, too.

This year, we also welcomed Maya Noelle to our family. She is gorgeous, although whenever anyone asks me how Baby Maya is, I almost always respond with a smile, "Hideous. Just hideous." A picture of her beautiful smiling face follows my response. Somehow, Nick and I are 3 for 3 on healthy, beautiful children. For such average people, that's a real feat!

In the past five weeks, I started a Couch to 5K program. It's been tough, but I am extremely proud of myself for sticking with it. The other night, as I chased Elijah around the cul-de-sac, I realized that I never did that before I started learning to run. It was a good feeling.

AND, least in my accomplishments this year (at least, less than Maya), I finished another graduate degree this year: Masters of Arts in Special Education. While this may not impress you, I was glad to be done with it. I had too many irons in the fire, and the MASE was a great one to drop!

I'm headed to the doctor now. I would say that I will update this later and let you know what funk I have, but let's be realistic. I won't. Before this, I hadn't blogged since April...